Cite

Phil Cassidy: Hilary has abandonment issues. Something about his momma.

Tommy Vercetti: Abandonment issues? What a freak. Why can't I meet someone that's normal for a change?

Tommy Vercetti: What did I do wrong in a past life?

Pastor Richards: As I say in my book, many are called, but unless you have a good credit rating, go screw yourself, you'll burn in hell.

Tommy Vercetti: What did I tell you before? NO GIANT SHARKS.

Lance: It's time for the Lance Vance Dance.

Tommy Vercetti: This is the last dance for Lance Vance.

Tommy Vercetti: Sonny, you have my personal assurance that I'm gonna get you your money back, and the drugs, and I'm gonna mail you the dicks of those responsible.

Umberto Robina: Anyway, I wanted to tell you, me and Papi, to us, you Cuban. You have proved yourself, man. You got big cojones.

Tommy Vercetti: Well thank you, Umberto. Nobody's said that to me since I left jail.

Lazlow: How many people?

Caller: There are three of us. It's hard organizing meeting without the phone. We've had to resort to carrier pigeons and they keep disappearing.

Caller: I'm promoting my organization, Citizens Raging Against Phones.

Lazlow: Crap? Your organization is called CRAP? How many people are there in this crap?

Joey: Chunky Lee Chong is pushin' spank for some new gang from Colombia... or Colorado... or something, I'm not really sure... who needs details anyway?

Avery Carrington: Nothing drives down real estate prices like a good old-fashioned gang war. Apart from an outbreak of plague, but that may be going too far in this case.

Ray Machowski: I want him sleeping with the fishes, not eating them.

Ray Machowski: We saw action in Nicaragua, back when the country knew what it was doing.

Kenji Kasen: Run these scumbags into the ground and wash your shame in rivers of our enemies blood!

Kenji Kasen: When trouble looms, the fool turns his back, while the wise man faces it down.

Luigi Goterelli: There's a new high on the street, goes by the name of SPANK. Some wiseguy's been introducing this trash to my girls down Portland harbour. Go and introduce a bat to his face.

8-Ball: I know a place on the edge of the Red Light District where we can lay low, but my hands are all messed up so you better drive, brother.

Toni: Oh she's on fire! Luckily I've never have been... I've done a lot of crazy things, I can tell you that... but I've never been on fire... at least not to my knowledge.

Donald Love: Experience has taught me that a man like you can be very loyal for the right price, but groups of men get greedy.

Martinez: Now, Vic, tell me... why did you sign up, huh? To stay out of jail, because you like getting shouted at, huh? What makes you polish your boots and put bullets in the gun in the hopes that maybe you'll get to shoot someone, huh? Ha ha ha!

Victor Vance: I got a difficult family. I got responsibilities.

Martinez: What, kids? A broad giving you shit?

Victor Vance: No, brothers. One is real sick, asthma, and I gotta pay the bills. The other, well, maybe he's sick too, but in a different way. My mom's a mess.

«Boss! He says there's no Santa Claus! Santa's real, isn't he?!»

«Boss! He says Santa Claus is real! There’s no such thing as Santa, is there?!»

«Ohh... my stomach...»

«I coulda sworn I saw a guy who looked just like me... Hm. Must have been a coincidence».