Cite

«Boss, if you find me lying face down on the battlefield you gotta revive me! Uh, but no mouth-to-mouth, please!»

«I got buddy named Johnny. You know him?»

«Why do it toda-a-ay? There's always tomorro-o-ow...»

«Did you hear? Somebody said they saw «God» inside a truck somewhere...»

Victor Vance: You're not gonna do anything stupid are you man?

Phil: We're breaking into a military base, and I'm drunk. What could be more stupid?

Goon: Hey boss, have you seen Lance?

Victor Vance: Unfortunately yes.

Lance Vance: I'm sorry, Ricardo baby, but sometimes brothers get alpha male on you, y'know.

Ricardo Diaz: I know... that's why I killed mine.

Reni: Ooh, all that shooting. I'm so turned on Dr. Horowitz is going to need a chainsaw to cut through this wood.

Victor Vance: Man, I do not want to know.

Victor Vance: Keep your head down.

Reni: In your lap darling?

Reni: This gun makes me feel so masculine. Make love to me Vic!

Victor Vance: Let's just get to the hospital.

Reni: Then you will make love to me, no?

Victor Vance: No.

Victor Vance: How did you know he'd be there?

Lance Vance: All the out-of-towners go there to get high and get laid... I did.

Lance Vance: Man I'm good. I scare myself sometimes.

Victor Vance: Do you think we can trust Diaz?

Lance Vance: My man Diaz is a businessman...

Victor Vance: Great: That's a «no» then.

Victor Vance: Lance!

Lance Vance: Oh, no.

Victor Vance: Lance, get over here and explain yourself.

Lance Vance: Sssh!

Victor Vance: Stop acting like a child.

Lance Vance: Sssh!

Victor Vance: Don't you shush me.

Lance Vance: Keep your voice down...

Victor Vance: No. You can barely tie your own shoelaces, and you're telling me how to behave?

Lance Vance: WILL YOU SHUT UP, YOU STUPID GORILLA?! THE PLACE IS BUGGED! THE DEA IS ONTO US! HAPPY NOW?

Armando Mendez: Some crooks have shown their contempt for us by using our home as an entryway for drugs into this fine nation.

Victor Vance: Like you?

Armando Mendez: Exactly! Plagiarism! It is an insult! I hope you're wise enough to see that if you let a man insult you, before long he will try to kill you. You must kill these degenerates. You'll find them near Ocean Beach.

Armando Mendez: Ah, my brother. What a conversationalist. Only today we were discussing philosophy. He is a great fan of Plato, but I have always been more Aristotelian. I think perhaps that is why he is so happy, and I am so weighed down by worry. What do you think?

Victor Vance: Me? Shit. The world is full of suffering, then you die.

Lance Vance: Man, Forbes screwed us again. Let's get back and screw HIM... metaphorically speaking.

Umberto Robina: The art of leadership, my friend, is making people believe they had the idea all along.

Will: A note written by Mom.

Will: Rules of the House

Will: 1: Don't take up the bathroom.

Will: 2: Shoo off door-to-door salesmen.

Will: 3: Men hold the bags on market sale days!

Will: 4: No expensive drinks!

Will: 5: One bottle of alcohol a week!

Will: 6: Decline offers to join the Church of Sphene!

Will: 7: Don't go off with strange women.

Will: 8: You know, don't you, honey?

Will: Yikes... That last one's directed at Dad.

«No reading in the bathroom! - Mom»

Will: My brother Bel's always bringing books in and staying in there forever...

Will: I kept these dolls I got from a school friend 'cause I felt bad about throwing them out.

Will: A present I got from a friend at school. I'm glad for it and all, but I only ever get gifts from guys... And a worrying number of guys, at that.

Will: This was from a guy friend at school, too... sigh... I want attention from girls, not guys...

Woman: Waaah, everyone else is leaviiing! Oh! You there, ma'am! Please buy something! Please!

Will: I'm a man. Bye.

Woman: Gwuhhh...

Woman: Waaah, there's still so much left to sell... Oh! You there, ma'am! Please buy something! Please!

Will: I... I'm a man! Don't «ma'am» me!

Woman: Huh...? Really? Whoa! You're just my type! So short and cute!!

Will: Bye. (This person's the worst...)

Woman: Ahh! Hang on, hang on! Please buy somethiiing!

Will: Err...? 64styoh:eth...??

Will: Welp, I bought it...