Cite

Announcer: Come by Ammu-Nation to register to win an anti-aircraft gun, actually used when we whooped Australia's ass!

Mr. Zoo: Get lost doc. I got out of confines. Me and me friends are travelling around in a black van, solving crimes and running from the Colonel.

Maurice Chavez: Enough! We're running out of time and you completely failed to answer the question.

Alex Shrub: I'm a professional. That's my job.

Tommy Vercetti: Never forget the Second Amendment, asshole!

Ken Rosenberg: Tommy Vercetti doesn't even own a gun!

Phil Cassidy: No not the hospital, man! Too many cops and Viet Congs. There's an ex-army surgeon, owes me a few favors and a lawnmower. He's got a place down Little Havana. Oh look, a giant fish.

Ken Rosenberg: You wouldn't know the truth if you found it banging your wife. Now shut up and release my client. And your wife's not that great.

Tommy Vercetti (after killing a pedestrian): You can blame my mother. I do.

Pastor Richards: You see, the Alaskans are lunatics, plain and simple. They eat whales, and snow, and they sleep in the freezer. Who wants to eat snow everyday? Oh, I tried to help. I sent a helicopter with copies of my book, but they burned them in a pile for heat. If the people of Alaska choose to live where they are, let them, but don't come crying when you're tired of eating penguin and it snows 18 feet a day.

Fernando Martinez: Stay with me. Stay with Fernando. Por favor. Mi amor. Siolito. It's like Fernando said to his ex-wife: «I love you, please, don't leave me. It is not what you think. I was bitten by a snake, and the nice lady, she came to suck out the poison». The story, she no work very well.

Ken Rosenberg: Of course my client looks guilty. Just because he looks guilty doesn't mean he is. You look like an idiot, but that doesn't mean you are.

Konstantinos Smith: I wish someone would kill me; that way I could hang out in the cemetery ALL the time, instead of just on weekends.

Lazlow: Here's some more non-stop «help me, I'm unemployed» rock.

Tommy Vercetti: There goes my careful planning, all blown to hell. Thanks to you. You screwed up real good, Lance.

Lance Vance: He killed my brother. What did you expect me to do? Mow his lawns?

Narrator: A deadly curse. A deranged killer. A small town in tears. «Knife After Dark». Rated «R», for «Retarded».

Ken Rosenberg: Do I look like I can intimidate a jury? I couldn't intimidate a child, and believe me, I've tried.

Ken Rosenberg: I poke my head out of the gutter for one freakin' second, and fate shovels shit in my face.

Ken Rosenberg: Tommy, I have a disagreement, I mail them an angry letter, maybe pee in their mailbox. I DON'T start World War III.

Lazlow: That's what you get when you listen to this station: rock 'n roll and me. I'm not sure which I prefer.

Mitch Baker: I thought this was supposed to be a rock station, but all I'm hearing is girl's music.

Tommy Vercetti: Look, haven't you seen a movie? We get into bank, wave the guns – and leave very rich men.

Tommy Vercetti: The last thing I needed was this. Maybe the last thing I needed was an enema, but this comes close.

Ken Rosenberg: Hey Tommy, I got you that chalkboard you wanted.

Tommy Vercetti: Ah, the benefits of a law school education: the ability to follow instructions.

Congressman Alex Shrub: Those statistics are interesting, but like all statistics, they are also irrelevant.

Narrator: «Evacuator Part 2». Rated «PG». May include patriotic garbage.