Cite

Narrator: Get yourself a body bag, strap yourself in, start making friends the American way.

BJ Smith: My coach pumped me so full of hatred and steroids, that I couldn't feel pain. Hell, I had to break my own leg, just for fun.

Tommy Vercetti: Remember, smile at the other cops.

Lance Vance: Hey there, officer. Nice badge, nice badge.

Tommy Vercetti (stealing a car): Just think of this as socialism in action.

Pastor Richards: I'm gonna build a 45 foot tall highly fortified structure in the shape of the most powerful thing on earth, me.

Michelle Montanius: If you're listening to this station and you haven't made a donation, then you are a thief.

Tommy Vercetti: Ok guys. Calm down, I'll handle this. Normally I wouldn't busy myself with driving around a bunch of drunken Scottish bisexuals, but in your case, I'll make an exception.

Lazlow: Don't forget, Love Fist are in town right now - or is it 'Love Fist is in town'? Whatever. I flunked school cause I'm hardcore.

Jez Torrent: Do you know how they play ping-pong in Thailand? Well it doesn't involve a paddle if you know what I mean.

Officer on Police Radio: We got a fat woman stuck in an elevator and I'm checkin' it out!

Tommy Vercetti: Shut up, sit down. I'll tell you what we're gonna do. You're gonna find out who took our cocaine, and then, I'm gonna kill them.

Lazlow: Geez, vets are so cranky. Look, if you don't like the music, start your own station. It's easy.

Pastor Richards: Shall I send him to hell, Maurice?

Maurice Chavez: Yes... I mean, no. No, you psychotic lunatic.

Kent Paul: Rosenberg... Rosenberg... Oh, that bonkers ambulance chaser! That guy could defend an innocent man all the way to Death Row!

Phil Cassidy: Hilary has abandonment issues. Something about his momma.

Tommy Vercetti: Abandonment issues? What a freak. Why can't I meet someone that's normal for a change?

Tommy Vercetti: What did I do wrong in a past life?

Pastor Richards: As I say in my book, many are called, but unless you have a good credit rating, go screw yourself, you'll burn in hell.

Tommy Vercetti: What did I tell you before? NO GIANT SHARKS.

Lance: It's time for the Lance Vance Dance.

Tommy Vercetti: This is the last dance for Lance Vance.

Tommy Vercetti: Sonny, you have my personal assurance that I'm gonna get you your money back, and the drugs, and I'm gonna mail you the dicks of those responsible.

Umberto Robina: Anyway, I wanted to tell you, me and Papi, to us, you Cuban. You have proved yourself, man. You got big cojones.

Tommy Vercetti: Well thank you, Umberto. Nobody's said that to me since I left jail.

Lazlow: How many people?

Caller: There are three of us. It's hard organizing meeting without the phone. We've had to resort to carrier pigeons and they keep disappearing.

Caller: I'm promoting my organization, Citizens Raging Against Phones.

Lazlow: Crap? Your organization is called CRAP? How many people are there in this crap?

Joey: Chunky Lee Chong is pushin' spank for some new gang from Colombia... or Colorado... or something, I'm not really sure... who needs details anyway?