Cite

Michael De Santa: Ladies and gentlemen! This is your moment! Please don't make me ruin all the great work your plastic surgeons have been doing!

Police helicopter co-pilot: Have you read the manual for this thing?

Theater ad: Remember to turn off your cell phones, and please don't masturbate.

Simeon Yetarian: You tell me what you want and I'll explain to you very carefully why it cannot be.

Trevor Philips: Now go! I need to meditate. Or masturbate. Or both.

Trevor Philips: I'll be there later to sign the contracts. Just ignore the bodies...

Lazlow Jones: Hello this is Chatterbox. Please be a normal human being...

Caller: Lazlow, your show sucks!

Lazlow Jones: What? Oh! Hey welcome to Chatterbox with me Lazlow and you, the good citizens of this town. Now you know the format on this show, you call me up, you complain and we agree that the world is terrible and retarded and there's nothing we can do about it and we uh, listen to some commercials.

JD O'Toole: Oh God, I can't believe it. He is gonna cut my balls off. He's gonna put them in a vice! Not necessarily in that order. Oh God! I feel like the day the FBI searched my hard drive!

Maria Latore: Do you want to come in for a... uh... coffee?

Toni Cipriani: I'll pass.

Toshiko Kasen: Do you think I'm a bad person, Mister Toni?

Toni Cipriani: Well, princess, I ain't exactly a saint.

DJ Sage: Good morning, San Andreas! The baby boom is officially over. You are all irrelevant. Now die.

Helicopter Co-Pilot: This is aerial support...

Helicopter Pilot: Yeah, I think he knows that by now.

Carl Johnson: I'm a well-dressed maniac!

Helicopter Co-Pilot: There she is! She's beautiful!

Helicopter Pilot: There HE is! He's a guy!

Carl Johnson (after crashing into a car): What kind of license you got? Fishin' license?

Woozie: Thank you Carl, you saved me from having to kill them all myself.

Ken Rosenberg: Hey, just like old times, huh, Tommy?

Carl Johnson: Who the fuck is Tommy?

Carl Johnson: Grove Street. Home. At least it used to be until I fucked everything up.

Catalina: Are you going to fight for my love?

Carl Johnson: No. I can take rejection.

Lianne Forget: After months, all bridges have been reopened. Bone County, Tierra Robada, and Las Venturas County are now linked up with the rest of the state. Locals celebrated by mass outbreaks of xenophobia and inbreeding.

Helicopter Pilot: We are the police you moron, we got helicopters.

Woozie: OK, now, the important thing to remember with a plan like this, is that... nothing can go wrong.

Carl Johnson (jacking a car): What can I say? I'm a bad man.

Big Smoke: Like it says in the book... We are both blessed and cursed.

Carl Johnson: What fuckin' book?